R.A.S.
Random Attraction Syndrome
Todays post features an in-depth analysis of RAS: Random Attraction Syndrome, and has been hitting quite close to home recently. Beware of RAS in your community; it's real and it's coming to a theatre near you.
What is RAS, anyway?
RAS, or Random Attraction Syndrome, is very plainly named. It is one step below a crush, and most often the afflicted individual will have onsets of several attacks at one time. It is thought to occur mainly in females, but new evidence shows that it may occur in males, sometimes even stronger than in females. RAS is often more severe in shy or introverted individuals, as they have a hard time approching the individual that gave it to them.
Uh oh...I think I have RAS. How do I tell?
RAS has a great many symptoms. Among these are:
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Noticing a specific guy/girl every time they pass you in the hallway
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Being attracted to an individual even having never talked to them
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Being so incapacitated by this attraction that you very well may never talk to them
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Imagining that you see them look at you from across the room, then dismissing that as the product of an overactive imagination
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Earlobe tugging/jewelry fiddling/nose rubbing whenever they're close
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Nearly hitting yourself for saying something stupid or forgetting to say something smart in their presence
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Talking louder to your friends and trying to be funny when they pass
Uhhh...just for curiosity's sake (ahem): if this friend of mine I know has it, what should I...I mean, he do?
If you or a friend has RAS, feel free to call our 24-hour hotline, at 1-(800)-867-5309. Trained, certified counselors are standing by. We're here to help.
Can it get worse/is it normal and healthy?
Most everyone is stricken with the dreaded RAS at some time in their adolescent life. Can I get an amen?
RAS in its early stages is quite harmless, and can even invoke good-natured flirting if the attraction is mutual. However...RAS in its progressed stages can be quite frightening, and even lead to a type-R crush. This happens when you continually imagine that the RAS-afflicter is staring at you in class, and that they also exhibit the RAS symptoms. Unfortunately, if neither of you has outstanding social skills, this may end in death. Or, at least, a really terrible semester of torturing yourself and further perpetuating the viscious cycle of no communication.
Is there a cure?
So far, there is only one sure way to overcome RAS: professing your undying love to the afflicter in the middle of the lunchroom.
Well, I wasn't saying it was going to be what you wanted to hear.
If you have any information regarding RAS, pertaining to the causes, effects, or any symptoms not listed here, please comment. If you hear where I'm coming from...well, can I get an AMEN already, so I...I mean, this friend knows he isn't alone!? | 
